We all have these! Every now and again you will be minding your own business and get a phone call or someone will drop by just to try and ruin your day. Now if you are lucky you get along with everybody, all the time. But if you're not here are some tips to help you deal with them!
1. Establish Boundaries -In any relationship boundaries are important. People learn how to treat you by what you accept. I used to think that my back had a sign that said "Wipe feet here." People used to run over me for sport. How did I stop it? I hit them square upside the head with a brick! Ha, I'm kidding, I wanted to, believe me! However, that was not the answer. I learned to set boundaries. If my child's father wanted to pick them up, I made it clear that last minute plans were not acceptable, my time is important too and I have a lot less of it to play with. If someone was asking me for a favor, I held fast to my reserved right to say "no". I am already over exerted and if it's not something I want to do and can do comfortably without over extending myself the answer is "no".
2. Demand Respect - Why is it that we let anyone talk to us any kind of way. I remember sitting on the phone for about an hour getting cussed out and "told about myself". Honey! What a fool I was. Never again. Don't be afraid to hang up or walk away from a conversation that is not productive. Surround yourself with positive energy and if they don't add something to conversation of value, cut it off! Don't be afraid to tell somebody that until they can talk to you with some respect, they can't be around you or your children. Chances are, if they are degrading you they don't deserve your time in the first place.
3. Block Them - For those pest who just don't get the hint. Block them from your cell phone, home phone, and email. Add them right into the spam folder where they belong. I had an ex that just wasn't getting the message and I blocked him completely. I can't tell you the peace of mind it brings! When they learn how to play nice, unblock them temporarily. Eventually, they will learn what lines not to cross.
4. Stop Worrying About What Other People Think - As single moms we do this alot. What will people say? What if he doesn't come pick up the baby? Honey let me tell you, I don't care if the world died, nothing would keep me away from my child. If a man wants to spend time with your child, he will speak to you like he has some sense and respect and advance notice won't be too much to ask. We have to protect our children and what they are exposed to. I used to think that it was more important for my child to get to see their father, even if he was rude and unpleasant, than it was for me to set boundaries. I thought if I set boundaries he wouldn't pick them up. Then I realized, if that is what is keeping him from his child it is his loss. I have great kids and anybody is lucky to have a minute of their time. My children do not deserve to see either of their parents berated and its not going to happen on my watch. Start demanding the same respect you extend to the absent parent.
5. Don't Stoop to Their Level - This is difficult. I wish I could say I have handled every altercation with grace and maturity, but lying to you won't get you anywhere. When you know that person is pushing your buttons, get off the phone or end the conversation. I say something like "it's apparent that we aren't going to resolve this right now and we're waisting time, call me when you have some solutions." Its a waste of my day and mental energy to argue with a fool or act a fool. I have gone there before and it was not pretty. But when you are the bigger person, it puts the ball right back into their court and it becomes their issue. Get on with the rest of your day, God knows you don't need another headache!
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