Thursday, August 4, 2011

Top 5 Losers to Avoid Like the Plague: Dating as a Single Mom - Part 3

Hello Moms!

I hope you all had a great weekend.  If you're like me, and your kids just came off of Spring Break, having a margarita at 10am never seemed like such a good idea!  Ha! We all know that we are too busy for a very early happy hour, so coffee and oatmeal it is!

Now please forgive me for taking two days to bring out the latest in the Dating as a Single Mom series.  I'm usually very protective of my weekends because its my time to really do some deep cleaning and my designated family time for my kids.  You should be protective your weekends and days off as well.  We don't get that many, so when you have them, enjoy them.  I also came down with a nasty cold. Its still lingering around as if it didn't know that I had to get back on the grind today.

Anywho, shall we just jump right in?  Too often as single moms we get so used to sacrificing and compromising that we begin to accept anything that comes along.  Sacrifice does not equal settling.  Yes, its going to be harder and there are going to be more barriers to your success, but you don't have to settle for anything or any man that comes along.   We limit ourselves when dating to men who have sixteen kids by seventeen different women and won't take care of a single one of them.  Before you become baby momma number eighteen, I'm going to throw you a lifeline.

Don't be deceived, I am not saying that dating a single dad is bad, just be careful as you would with any man.  I've gone through my loser-dex and picked out the Top 5 losers you need to drop like a sack of potatoes anytime he comes your way.  Lets count these suckers down.

5. The Married Guy/ Cheater - I bet this is a shock that this loser didn't make the number one spot.  Trust me this loser is pretty mild compared to the rest.  Single moms, we honestly don't have time to play games with a married man.  This guy has a family and if he's abandoning them for any moment to come play cat and mouse with you, he is not a good husband or father - plain and simple.  Lets face it, if this man is living at home with a wife, no matter what his excuse is, or what he says his wife has done or isn't doing, he's not worth your time or your kids time.  First, remember that most of us, at one time or another, was the wife or girlfriend that he was talking about to someone else.  Didn't feel so good when some other woman didn't consider your feelings did it? 

Don't be that woman that believes that her happiness will come by breaking up someones marriage or relationship.  Also, don't deceive yourself; the only one that doesn't know that he is never going to leave his wife and marry you, is YOU.  If he was going to leave her, I don't care how many kids are at home that needs him, or if his wife is dying with four types of cancer, he would have been gone already.  The only time this guy moves is when he is put out.  Then he shows up at your door with a duffel bag talking about "I couldn't take it anymore, I left her, you're the one I want."  Trust me when I say, you don't want that woman's husband/boyfriend.  He's a lot different when he becomes your husband/boyfriend and has a new toy on the side.

4. The Guy Who Has Never Had His Own Place - I hate this guy.  Now this is the guy who is too dang old to be living at home.  He's always got a hard luck story too.  "I'm just staying here because me and my girl broke up and she had the kids so I let her have the place, the furniture, and the car."  Doesn't that sound all too believable?  Or his parents are like 50 but he's staying there to take care of them because they are "getting up in age."  Only when you're 18 does 50 seem like up in age.  Trust me, as I near 30, 50 doesn't seem that far away.

So maybe this guy doesn't sound so bad...until he's always at your house.  See you have kids, so you always have a roommate and always have your own place at the same time.  You can't just go to his mom's house and lounge about in your underwear.  Every time something goes down, he has to be at your house and that makes your only place of retreat a very uncomfortable place to live.  Oh and guess where he's coming the next time his parents tell him to pay rent, clean up, etc.? He's coming right to your house to lay up for free. 

But what really makes the guy a loser?  He has no experience managing a household.  He very rarely knows how to budget or pay bills.  This guy is sad.  If he has to pay more than his car note and insurance, its like an idiot trying to walk and chew gum at the same time.  Sure he has a nice car and nice clothes, imagine how nice you could dress with no bills to pay!  He can pay for the best restaurants while he lives with mom, but move him in and this guy can't keep the lights on. He's the sea turtle everyone catches when they are fishing and throws back in the water.  When you're out with guy, finish your meal, and RUN, don't walk, to the nearest exit. Baby you can't afford a 30 year old child.

3.  Everybody's Daddy - This guy has so many kids and baby mamas, you would think they were selling them half off at the hospital!  He's up to his ears in back pay that finally caught up to him and he probably changes jobs every time child support tracks him down.  This guy's DNA is so popular that they keep it on file so that anytime a new baby is born and the father is unknown, they check it just to save Maury the hassle.  

Please don't let this guy happen to you, especially if you have a friendly uterus like mine that never met a baby it didn't like.  Now I don't mind people having as many kids as they can afford.  If he can afford to spread himself thin like wasabi on sushi, that is his business.  The problem lies when this man has a bunch of kids and doesn't support them.  You don't need to be a single mom of another baby, unless of course that is what you want, and you don't need to deal with all of the baby momma's to coordinate birthday parties and play dates for the siblings.  I dated a man once who had nine children, including the one we had together, by six different women including myself. A woman called my house asking for him and said "I'm his daughter's mother"  Perplexed because the five daughters he has are spread among four different women, I said, "Listen suga, I haven't developed a better filing system for all the baby mamas and kids yet so you gonna have to give me a name, the last four of your social or something so I can keep track of everyone." 

Dating this guy is too exhausting because he doesn't keep up with the birthdays and every weekend you got a different set of kids over, as if your house wasn't busy enough.  This guy doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a super nanny so he can drop of all his kids for the weekend while he hangs out with his friends.  Of course he would pick you, you already have a few so whats a few more, right? WRONG.  Unless you want to go from being a single mom of X to a single mom of 3x, then cut this man off at the knees.

2. The House Husband - This guy is one despicable funky hot mess.  This waste of flesh will lay around your house like a sack of potatoes, eat up all your food stamps, and complain about everything you ain't doing when you get home.  Now in today's world, some women are the bread winners and it is more economical for the man to stay home and take care of the children and that is the arrangement they have worked out.  I'm not talking about that situation.  I am talking about an elite breed of loser.

He may also go by Freddy the Felon, Mr. I Don't Want To Work, or Mr. Ain't Never Worked Nowhere or Mr. I'm Tired and Need a Break.  Baby, if he needs a break, break him off a piece of a Kit Kat bar and keep it moving. This guy always appears to be so helpful, scolding your kids when they talk back, he'll offer to babysit while you go to the grocery store, this clown may even wash the dishes and put a meal together.  I'll tell you what he won't do, he won't pay a bill and he won't hold a job.  He knows you need some help and he'll jump on it like a crack head with a bottle of Windex at the car wash.  Once that sucker moves in and the deal is sealed, he's just as horrible as ol #4 up there. DON'T DO THIS.   He knows you are going to be sick of his BS before too long and when you bring it up, he'll make it sound like you're a bad mom, the kids have become so attached, he helped you when you were struggling, and you need him.  Honey, he'll fill your head with so much bologna, you'll need a pickle and a diet coke to go with the sandwich.

1. The Ultimate Loser -This guy makes me want to hit him with a brick.  This funky hot mess is so much of a loser, he has to try and tear you down and ruin your self-esteem to get you to go out with him.  This is the guy who will constantly remind you how many kids you have, tell you you're fat and ugly, and make it seem like you are lucky to have found his sorry behind at the bottom of the barrel.  You have to stop and think for a second, if you're as bad as he says you are, what the heck is he doing there with you in the first place?!?

This guy knows you have a lot going for yourself and knows he wouldn't stand and chance with you on your worst day.  He's no fool, he knows he's over-matched so instead of stepping his game up, he will tear yours down. This guy will criticize everything you do whether its school, work, raising kids, etc.  He will talk about your clothes, shoes, and make up and make you feel like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down.  That lying loser isn't worth the cheap rayon shirt on his back.  He is also the reason so many beautiful women get stuck in a rut and feel so damaged they don't want to move forward.

He doesn't just come out with it straight out the gate, its a little more subtle.  It will start as, "you could stand to loose a few pounds"; "Dang, you got how many kids?  You kinda used up."; "You work for who? They don't make no money." Any insult straight out the gate is a deal breaker for me.  There is no way you are asking me out and gonna make me feel like I have to audition for the part of your punching bag.

Single moms, you are worth so much more than any of these losers.  You deserve better!  Check back tomorrow for Now that we know who's paying - lets get out and date! Single Mom Dating Check List: Dating as a Single Mom - Part 4.

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