Hello Moms!
I hope you all had a well-deserved relaxing weekend. No such thing, right? Well I hope it wasn't too stressful. I wish I could say that my weekend was productive but I spent most of it standing over the kids shoulder watching them and making sure they cleaned their rooms. I guess it was productive if you count the fact that after two days they finally got them clean and it lasted, oh about five minutes. I don't know if they have just gotten lazier since I've been out of school or if I was just so busy with school that a clean house just wasn't a priority.
All through school people asked how I was doing it with kids. Well, since they were all born during sometime in my educational career, it helped that I had them in shifts. The first two are 13 months apart, then a four year gap and a five year gap. Now that they're 11, 10, 6, and 1, I can run my own little sweatshop and make it easier for me. LOL. I'm kidding of course. However, being able to count on everyone to pitch in always helps.
As a single mom, going back to school has to be a team effort. There has to be effective planning if you want to go back to school and finish. Going and not finishing means getting a bunch of debt with nothing to show for it. It is absolutely doable so long as you develop a plan and stick to it.
1. Prepare your family - You are going to need a support system. Even if its just your kids, you need a cheering squad. There are going to be days when you don't have time to cook a full meal. You need to prepare your kids for this major change in your life, especially if you are going to continue working while going back to school. If you have an older child, now is the time to let them help in the kitchen, if its nothing but showing them how to make something simple like Hamburger Helper or popping in a Stouffer's family meal in the oven. If not, there is no shame in having some quick fixes in the freezer. Also, having some Uncrustables or Lunchables on hand for weekends before exams or when papers are due.
You are the person in your house that keeps everything together. Rest assured if you don't plan ahead, everything will fall apart. Start assigning chores, if you haven't already. If your kids are old enough, let them pull the laundry out of the dryer, dry and put away the dishes, load the dishwasher etc. This will go over a lot better if you start them doing this now in anticipation of you going back to school than springing it on them as you go along. Older siblings can dress the younger ones in the morning. Every little thing helps.
In addition, you time is going to be very limited. There will be weekends when you will totally have to check out of the game. To make these days easier, make time for your family. One thing I had to learn was how to balance being a mom with being a student. You need to designate a time just for you kids where the student hat comes off and the mom hat comes on and stick to it. If your time is 7pm, close your laptop, put your notes and books away, and give them that time. When you're at school, let that be your priority, but when you get home and enter your family time, leave all that stuff to the side.
2. Prepare your finances - Last week when we talked about finances, I mentioned that education is expensive. There are options available. Fill out your Free Application for Financial Student Aid (FAFSA) early, even if you don't know where you want to go to school. Put them all down and when you decide they have your information already. There is no shame in taking out student loans, but remember they have to be paid back. Fortunately, for single mom's, depending on what you're making you may be eligible for a Pell Grant and other options.
Don't be afraid to apply for scholarships. I have sat on some scholarship committees and you would be surprised that people do not apply for free money. Sometimes they have to give the scholarship to someone they would not normally consider by default. Check the financial aid website of the school you want to attend and often they will have scholarships based on need, some based on academics, and some for students going into particular fields. Apply for all you qualify for. I would not have been able to go to law school had I not received a scholarship and I wrote 14 essays and was selected for two. Those two covered my complete tuition.
Additionally, going to school eats up your disposable income, as if we ever have any. Its time to cut back as much as you can. Start cutting back early so it doesn't make going to school unbearable. If you're used to getting your hair done every couple weeks or a mani/pedi, you may have to cut back a while. Movies once or twice a week may also have to be cut. You may have to take your lunch, buy coffee creamers instead of getting lattes, etc., all things you can start doing now.
3. Prepare your schedule - If you are working, you need to make arrangements with your employer so that your school schedule does not conflict with your school schedule. This is hard to do. If your employer will not work with you, then you may be forced to make some tough decisions. I'm not going to tell you to leave your job because, well, I can't afford to move you and your kids in. But there are options such as taking online classes, night classes and weekends. You may not be able to take a full load every time. It may be easier to ask for leniency on some days easier than you can request having special accommodations everyday.
You may not be as crazy as I was and believe that leaving your job to go to law school is a smart idea. That is perfectly fine, you know your financial situation better than I do. However, to improve your financial situation you may have to make some sacrifices up front. That is a choice that you are going to have to consider with your financial situation before you make any rash decisions.
4. Prepare yourself - Yet again you are going to be spread very thin. Thinking about it, applying for college, filling out paperwork, chasing deadlines, etc., all of that will feel very overwhelming. This is why it is so important to plan ahead. The main thing is setting in your mind that you are going to finish. It is going to take some work but you can do it.
Many times our dreams don't get off the ground because we are defeated in our mind by making the process bigger than what it is. Once you have made your plan, execute it. Stay in there because the time will pass either way. For me, quitting was not an option because I knew if I stopped and sat a semester out, I wouldn't go back. Take advantage of summer classes. The class sizes are usually smaller and they are more relaxed. Do whatever you have to do to get your education. You don't have to settle for your career any more than you have to settle for anyone not worth your time. Yes, we will have to work jobs we don't like and hours we don't want sometimes to get to where we are going. However, the time you put in will be well worth it.
Also, don't let yourself get caught up in the trap that you going to school makes you a bad mother. You are not going to have time for everything and that is something you have to accept early. You are doing something your children will remember forever. No, I don't expect you get your education at the expense of your children, but, if education is what's standing in the way of you and your career, you have to get it done.
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